Showing posts with label Resident Evil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Resident Evil. Show all posts

Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

Movies based on computer games need a genre all of their own. They're not like anything else. They aren't supposed to be high art, or to create great characters or great stories or anything else - they're supposed to be cheap, fun, and over within 90 minutes.

They're also, it has to be said, pretty self-indulgent. Game movies assume that their audiences have played the games and will recognise the characters' names and locations. They'll use hopeless CGI that looks like PlayStation graphics, give their characters quests and have them pick up daft objects along the way. And if you're an avid gamer, you might feel frustrated at the lack of interactivity; if you've never played a console game in your life, you'll probably be enraged by the lack of logic. But if, like me, you love the idea of computer games but suck horribly at actually playing them, then there's a lot of voyeuristic pleasure that can be got out of watching them.

Resident Evil: Extinction is kind of a silly movie. But then, if you've watched the first two, you wouldn't expect anything else. The indestructible Alice is back, and in fine ass-kicking mode. Carlos Olivera is back, and Code Veronica's Claire Redfield has shown up, in the place of Resident Evil: Apocalypse's Jill Valentine. The three of them head up a convoy of survivors hoping to escape the zombie hordes in a world completely overtaken by the undead. Filmed in a Mexican desert, this looks very much the part of the post-apocalypse movie, right down to the survivors's bizarre post-apocalypse fashion choices.

Because 95 minutes of rusty old trucks ploughing through zombies would have been a bit dull, the Umbrella Corporation is, as usual, up to something nasty - Dr Isaacs, immediately singled out as the evil scientist by his tendency to pronounce the word 'flesh' as 'flessssssh', has been working on a cure for the T-virus. Only, in order to do so, he's been cloning Alice left, right and centre, and his efforts have met with only limited success. Specifically, he's managed to create a Romero-homaging sentient zombie that can use a mobile phone and a digital camera but still wants to eat your brains. He's determined to re-capture the original Project Alice, and so starts unleashing his super-zombies back out into the wild.

Oh, yeah, and there are zombie crows, and someone gets turned into the Tyrant, and the zombie dogs are back for a cameo appearance.

Resident Evil: Extinction is just balls to the wall video game nonsense. There's plenty of blood and gore; plenty of zombies wandering around; and plenty of explosions. There's very little dialogue and virtually no characterisation. But who cares? You will, I admit, need to be feeling fairly affectionate towards the movie to let it get away with some of its antics - the CGI birds and zombies look rubbish at times, not to mention the extreme airbrushing done to Milla Jovovich's face that means her skin changes colour by about three shades between a long shot and a close-up. Everything is very, very silly and the zombies in no way represent a plausible threat. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that Milla Jovovich is running around, being awesome, shooting zombies, kicking zombies, slicing up zombies with enormous blades, and then standing around looking cool. Things explode. Heads explode. Bullets pass through zombie skulls in slow motion and CGI blood spurts out the other side. And the ending... the ending is preposterous, but at the same time, awesome.

Resident Evil: Extinction knows what it is. It knows who its audience is. And it's out to have fun, safe in the knowledge that as long as Milla keeps kicking things, people will keep buying tickets.

Resident Evil (2002)

Hurrah, a movie adaptation of a computer game. Featuring zombies. Right, that’ll be good, then.

The movie starts with the release of a top-secret virus in a top-secret underground laboratory. Security procedures kick in: basically, a psychotic artificially intelligent computer kills off the entire population of the lab under the flag of “containment”. All in good fun. Upstairs, an implausibly hot woman and some random guys who all look the same are waking up from a chemically induced coma – minus their memories. Enter some guys in virus suits, some painfully obvious explanation of the story so far: these apparent civilians are actually fellow agents of the scary gas mask men who were unfortunately caught up in the chaos when security was breached and have temporary amnesia due to the nerve gas. Jolly good. Now, these obvious liabilities are being taken back into the top-secret underground lab to find out what went wrong.

Cue more grisly “containment” killings, way too much talking and we’re finally into the fun. The walking dead! Turns out, although Little Miss AI killed all her employees, the virus has reanimated them. Everyone takes way too long to figure out that zombies need to be shot in the head and several plebs take the opportunity to get bitten. Alice (Milla Jovovich) walks around being implausibly hot and thereby surviving: highlights include zombie dogs, and Alice ripping a zombie’s head off with her thighs. No-one shoots the idiots who got bitten, so they take the opportunity to get bitten a few more times, just in case.

Through various glaring plot-holes, we follow our unlikely band of morons through various insane zombie encounters. The after-effects of the nerve gas are starting to wear off and Alice is taking the moral high-ground because she can’t remember that actually, pre-apocalyptic disaster, she wasn't actually in any position to do so. I’m not entirely clear on who was trying to sell out whom because I was too busy whining about the lack of zombies, but I’m fairly sure that being involved in selling a virus to the highest bidder makes you a bad guy under any circumstances. Alice later claims that she was trying to reveal what the big evil faceless corporation was up to and get them shut down (yay, anarchy!) but I maintain that… well, she’s just a moron.

Just as things are getting dull, a bizarre, almost humanoid alien thing with a long tongue turns up to petrify everyone out of their wits. Except it doesn’t, really. It does have claws that can rip through metal, though, so I should give it some credit. There’s more tension when people pretend to die and Alice still doesn’t shoot them, because she’s stupid and, as previously stated, has survived this long by being implausibly hot.

Maybe I’m cold and heartless, or maybe I’ve watched too many zombie movies, but seriously, I am not carrying around anyone who’s been bitten multiple times by the undead. If, at any point, someone who has been bitten by the undead appears to die, I am putting a bullet directly into his or her brain. Do not pass Go, etc.

For some reason, there’s a timer ticking down to something or other, more men in radiation suits show up, and the way is laid for a sequel to follow. Everyone in this movie is stupid. Paul W. S. Anderson may not be quite as horrific as Uwe Boll, but at least with good old Uwe we’d’ve got more spinning action shots and bullet time explosions. Some footage from the Resident Evil games might not’ve gone amiss, either. Apparently I’m supposed to turn my brain off to enjoy this movie, but I think that only works for people who’re sexually attracted to Milla Jovovich. Which, sadly, doesn’t include me.

Can somebody please make an intelligent zombie movie? Or, hell, an intelligent sci-fi movie? I know I don’t actually know anything about surviving in a post-apocalyptic world, but at least I wouldn’t be this utterly stupid. How many times did Alice plan on blindly running into rooms and slamming the door behind her only to find something worse lurked on the other side? How long did people plan on ignoring the fact that they were clearly infected by the zombie virus? HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU SHOOT ZOMBIES BEFORE YOU REALISE YOU NEED A HEAD SHOT? I know the whole meta-text thing is getting tired, but it’d be nice if some characters could at some point demonstrate they’re not entirely ignorant of all pop culture since the beginning of time.

IMDB link